the waiting game.

At this point I really thought i'd be blogging about baby Hadfield's birth story and posting tons of pictures of our little guy.

Unfortunately he seems a little too content in my tummy and has yet to make an appearance.

The due date has come and gone...

I am now 2 days past due and SO ready to be done.

B and I wake up every morning just so disappointed that I'm not in any pain...

Seriously, I LONG for those painful contractions.

For some reason I think it's going to happen in the middle of night.

Every time I wake up for a potty break (which is EVERY hour of the night), and I don't feel any different, I get so frustrated.

I have heard over and over that most first time mom's go past their due dates.

 But it doesn't help that I was told at 20 weeks that baby boy was measuring a week ahead. 

That led us to believe that he was for sure coming early.

For the past two plus weeks we have been anticipating his arrival.

That has been SO emotionally draining for me.

It hasn't helped that all my friends that were due around the same time if not AFTER me have all had their babies...wha!?

My most recent doc. appointment was last Thursday and their wasn't much progression.

I was only dilated to a 1 (which I had been for 2 weeks) and about 60% effaced.

I asked my midwife to strip my membranes that morning hoping that would speed things along.

I had spotting that whole day with a lot of cramping, so I was hopeful.

The next day I felt nothing different.

Disappointed yet again.

I go in for another appointment tomorrow so we will see what happens.

I really, REALLY don't want to be induced.

I want this whole process to happen as natural as possible.

I know that he will come when he is ready and I have to keep telling myself that over and over.

Ultimately we just want him to be healthy.

And although I am SO done being pregnant, I know things will happen when they are meant to.

So until then, we wait. Impatiently.

PLEASE COME SOON PARKER!

We want to shower you with love and kisses.

Maternity Shoot: Rachael McCall Photography

One of my best friends, Rachael took my maternity pictures for me the other day.  

All I have to say is she is amazing at what she does and she captured exactly what I had imagined in my head. That's talent I tell ya.

I wanted the shoot to be very natural and relaxed and that's what I got.

I couldn't have asked for anything better.

Thank you Rachy, 

I love you! 

View more of Rachael's amazing photos on her blog HERE!

regrets and resolutions.

I got an e-mail the other day that was definitely an interesting read.  Then while watching General Conference, I realized Elder Uchtdorf quoted from this exact e-mail.  I thought i'd post the whole article/e-mail for you all to read....

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.

People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them. 

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five: 


1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. 

This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. 

It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.


2. I wish I didn't work so hard. 

This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence. 

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle. 


3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result. 

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win. 


4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 

Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying. 

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships. 


5. I wish that I had let myself be happier. 

This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. 

When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying. 
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.


I love Elder Uchtdorf's remarks and how he tied this into the gospel.  He ceases to amaze me. Please watch if you haven't already....